I know this is a little late, but better late than never...

Happy Thanksgiving to all! The truth is, every day should be Thanksgiving day...We are a truly blessed people, and most of us take it so very for grantedl Even I tend to take the many daily blessing for granted, failing to realize how truly blessed we are.

I got the very special opportunity to visit my baby sister, Mary Beth, in Pennsylvania. I have never had the opportinity to visit her, or spend time with her family, since I left home at the age of 19. She lives on a 33 acre farm in Wattsontown, Pennsylania. They have 3 cows and a dozen chickens...3 wonderful sons and an old farm house that she has decorated to look like you step right into a country decoration magazine...Just oozes with country charm. I finally got to spend some time with her beautiful 3 sons ranging from 5 years old to 12. Fine looking, well behaved boys. She is a good wife and mother...I am so proud of her.

She even told me that if my son deploys this upcoming year, i was very welcome to come and stay with her. As I have mentioned earlier, I come from a really grossly disfunctional family... My baby sister, Mary is the sweetest spirit in the bunch, and the most well adjusted. That is because she is the youngest, and saw the least abuse. She has a very sweet spirit, and a wild and crazy sense of humor...lots of laughing around her. We had a really tasty Thanksgiving dinner followed by a wild game of Thanksgiving Bingo...she had this big garbage bag full of prizes...crazy stuff like a box of prunes, a little toilet deoderizer, a box of Fleet suppositories, a fruit cake, a bag of soldier guys, a chocolate santa, multiplication flash cards...you just never knew what would pop outta her Santa bag! We laughed and laughed...

Yes it was a long, long drive, 14 hours, but truly it was worth it. Mary and I have spent no one- on-one time since I left home at the age of 19, and I am 51 now...you do the math...I took lots of wonderful pictures and can't wait to download them onto my computer...

I hope you all had as wonderful holiday as I did, and have the best year ahead ever! Thank you for taking the time to read this...Peace! and God's richest blessings on you all!

Let Freedom Ring?

What in the world are we coming to?

Hell yeah, Texas, let that self-confessed serial killer, Coral Eugene Watts, outta jail so he can do it again...

He said he would, too...

Is that what is known as "gender cleansing"?

He confessed to killing 12 women, attempted to kill 5 more, and is suspected of killing up to as many as 80 defenseless women, from Texas to Michigan...

He cut a deal with aTexas prosecutor 24 years ago, pleading guilty to burglary and murdering 12 woman, for 60 years in jail. He was gonna walk outta jail a free man after serving 24 years time served with 36 years off for good behavior due to a loophole in the Texas law!!!

Thank God for Michigan's prosecutorial conscience, and the jury's good sense... Charged him in the nick of time, tried him with nothing but a 25 year ago eye-witness for evidence, a most risky business and convicted him with a mandatory life sentence without parole...mmm mmm had me scared there for a while...talking about this dangerous dude walking...

Today was a Court TV junkie day...

Between that and all of Court TV's sponsors...

A pill and lifestyle for the unhappiest, over-weight club in the world, to cure their fat , unsatiable, unhappiness...

A pill for male inadequacies, giving Bob and his best buddy Tom their sadly drooping manhood magic male enhancement, hence a happy, more satisfied outlook on life and a more satisfied Misses......

A pill for male hair loss, to instantly grow hair, hence immediate hairy happinesson the spot...

Yeap, today, its a safer, happier world!

A Monday Morning Attitude of Gratitude

Its Monday morning again! Seems like its Monday morning alot lately...

I wanna start this week off on a positive note. The best way I know to do that is to stop for a moment and count my blessings. An attitude of gratitude goes a long long way.

I'm grateful that it is this Monday morning and not next Monday morning...I still have one week to put the finishing touches on my costumes, make the crowns for my Wise Men, and accumulate the necessary props for filming...like a horse or donkey for Mary to sit on...lol

We had play practice after church service yesterday, did alot of laughing...now mind you, this is not a comedy... the wife of one of the Wise Men kinda mumbled that the best we could aspire for here was a bad "B" movie! I fear she is right...this wont win any Oscars...but it has been alot of fun thus far. We are going to do it at the local nursing home also along with some caroling a week later...They wont care if we are an "A" or a "B" rated production!!!

I am grateful for my sons, all three of them, and who they are today. Now, I can recall many the day that that was not the case. I raised these three critters alone, and they will tell you that they, indeed, gave me a run for my money. Many the occasion that I asked myself, " Self, what in the hell were you thinking?"

But it is true that "What doesnt kill us makes us stronger". There isnt much that can rattle me these days...I am a veritable power house of unleashed strength! Yikes! The very idea is mind-boggling! And I truly do owe that to my three sons, who have tested me with almost every challenge known to parenthood...and taught me to be strong in the face of whatever comes along.

They truly have been, and continue to be my greatest teachers in this journey called Life.

Let me give you an example... they taught me to think on my feet...One afternoon, after work, I picked up the kids from the daycare, and stopped at the gracery store on the way home, to pick up something for dinner. Now my youngest was still in diapers...and hadnt been changed in awhile, unbeknownst to me.

I placed him in the child seat at the front of the cart and proceeded to shop. I picked up a chicken from the meat case and was headed for the milk aisle when all of a sudden I heard water spilling...I looked around to realize that Baby Christopher was peeing, and his diaper was saturated to the brim, so pee was pouring out of the side of his diaper all over the chicken I had just put into the basket...and onto the floor, forming an impressive golden pool at my feet...

Now what do you do with a raw chicken that your child has just peed on? I didn't want it...but I surely couldnt put it back into the meat case... I couldnt bring myself to tell anyone, much less the store manager, that my child had just peed on this chicken, and that probably nobody would want it...

Heads up, Mom! Think fast!

I can feel the hot flush on my face, as I recount this tale...it really did happen!!!

What did I do, you ask? Why, I went and picked out a second chicken, bought both, being careful not to confuse the marinated bird for the plain... and was off to the kitchen after a quick diaper change, of course.

I never was too convinced, while rearing these three boys, that we would all survive...They were relentless scrappers, fighting from sun-up well into the night over nothing and everything, and all three strong willed, bull-headed little mules. They were the greatest challenge of my entire life, hence, my greatest teachers.

But, alas, God is good, and today, two of my sons are Soldiers in the United States Army, and my third is a wonderful daddy of the sweetest thing this side of Heaven, my grand son, Blade.

Who could ask for more? Thank you, O God!

Thanks for listening, and be blessed, today!

Today

I don't know what the future holds
Tomorrow is a mystery...
The past eludes my chasing grasp
It is but history.
Today is all I'm given
Each moment precious and divine
Let me cherish, Lord, this one time gift
Through it may Your love shine.
Amen.

Where Oh Where Do The Days Go?

It's been almost a week since I blogged...where the heck did the week go? I spend many fruitless moments wondering if Time moves faster because I am getting older, or if Time is just moving faster ... is it in my mind or is it real? Well which did come first, the chicken or the egg???

I don't know if I mentioned that some time ago, like 2 months ago, I wrote a Christmas play...the first play I have ever written... Actually, I feel like God gave it to me... but, I showed it to our Pastor, and he decided we could do it for Christmas... The title of the play is "Star of Wonder"... now picture this if you can...

Our church is a baby church...started in February of this year. Our average attendance is between 24 and 32 per week... we are working on getting our own property and a building...at present, we meet in the City Hall Building in a tiny little community called Oak Grove...

The cast of this play involves 14 characters plus extra angels to compose a "host of angels"!

The main scene takes place in an average living room with an average mom and dad and a child, decorating a Christmas Tree. When the child asks about the "Star", the parents take that opportunity to tell her the story of the Birth of Jesus, which involves about 6 different scenes which take place out doors...

Since my son is a broadcaster, the pastor came up with the idea of making this a multimedia production, with my illustrious son filming the Nativity scenes prior to the actual production...

Getting folks to agree to play characters has been like pulling teeth from a chicken! Exactly!!! Chicken don't gots teeth! And its not like we have a large congregation to recruit from...

But I think we have the cast covered now...I made the Pastor do some strong-arming!!! lol He is pretty persuasive when he wants to be...

The Pastor wanted live animals...so we have goats and chickens...and I'm praying for either a horse or a donkey...couldnt find sheep and the chickens come with the goats....now did the Jews do chickens? Mine do...

My main job is costumes right now. Costumes for Joseph, an innkeeper, 4 shepherds, and 3 Wise Men. Last night I did Melchior. I have 2 kings left. and then their crowns...The crowns are critical... Another girl at church is doing Mary, and the Angels....Gabriel, and the host! Thank God...

The pastor's wife is a musician, and is in charge of the music...The Angel Gabriel sings, and the host of Angels sing...

So I guess, betwen costumes, and the Scott Peterson trial, to which I am hooked, the days are tick tick ticking by...lol...wonder what my next project will be...

Thanks for listening, and have a blessed day....!

This is my Grandson, Blade...we call him Chef BoyAreB...ubbie! He's the sweetest thing this side of Heaven!

I'm a Tough Old Bird...and Still Kickin

Its true, I'm a tough old bird, and I don't give up easy...My beloved son pestered me into calling the doctor I have an appointment with on Nov 10, to try to get in to him early, given my symptoms. But, of course, they send me to the emergency room ASAP...

Dear God In Holy Heaven, I hate emergency rooms! Anyway, the long story short is, the ER doc, who was a very pleasant fellow, concluded that my chest x-ray looks a little cloudy imdicating a possible bronchitis...absent the cough or wheeze, and my bloodwork showed that my digoxan level was low...that is the cardiac med that regulates my heart rhythm...

So he sweetly tells me he's going to prescribe an antibiotic and a slight increase in my digoxan...forgets the antibiotic prescription, and sends me on my way with a script for digoxan and an order for blood work followup in 2 days.

Truly, I dont have much confidence in doctors... and I like them even less... too many of them have let the almighty dollar corrupt and distract them from the Hippocratic Oath that they take, give in to HMO and insurance companies" pressure and pharmacudical company coersion...and lose site of the human being they are supposed to be caring for.

I should have been a doctor...I would have been a good one, I think. Money is a necessary evil but not one to sacrivice ethics and morals for, and I am truly a nonconformist and a crusader for the strays and underdogs in life...

Anyway, I am feeling a little better, but still have the arrythmia and shortness of breath thing going on...of course, it would help if I got the digoxan prescription filled...

Have a dandy day all, and God bless!

I Danced With Death and I Can't Forget...

The story I am about to tell is true. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, for there were no innocents back then...this story is merely background for present occurences...
Back in 1996, April 16 to be exact, I had a 15 year old son named Chris...my youngest son whom I love with all my heart, but didnt like much. He was going thru a most obnoxious phase, was defiant, hateful and mean. I had had to resort to "Tough Love" measures to get him to comply with basic house rules of common curtesy, and it was not pretty.

I had also enrolled him in an outpatient drug treatment program, which he was truly thrilled about...NOT...because I suspected that along with his pot use, he was huffing...I couldnt imagine my sweet little boy being so ugly without some radical cause...

Anyway, our home front had become a war zone, and every day was a new or extended battle...he acted like he despised me through and through, and man, did it hurt. But I had to present a brave front and maintain the illusion of authority...probably the greatest challenge of my life.

Now picture this...a very handsome 15 year old, whom I removed from the 8th grade in Junior High because the illustrious powers that be in that noble institution kept suspending him for his loveliness, refused to attend adult ed classes for 3 hours a day, and refused to get a job. He refused to do anything at all but play his Nintendo, which I took away, watch TV, which I took away, get high and play with his obnoxious little friends, coming and going as he pleased while I was at work.

At one point, I tricked him, and took him to CrossWinds, a youth and mediation center, where he told the intake counselor when asked what the problem was, that his mother was a "FUCKING BITCH!"...that was to my face, and with all the venom and hatred he posessed in his eyes...

Ok, now you got the picture. I had been praying for a mighty long time for God to somehow intervene and help me with this young man...we needed a miracle...a big one at that...

I came home from work one day, to find Chris in his bedroom doing his thing, and I sat on his bed and very gently said to him, "Chris, I really need for you to do something here. Either go to school for a mere three hours a day or get a job. You cant just sit in this house and do nothing..."

Well, you would have thought I dropped a nuclear bomb on his head! He went slap bullistic...it just was unbelievable.... throwing stuff, kicking stuff, screaming obscenities. He finally tried to jump on his bike to leave and I grabbed his bike handle. After all, I bought that bike...and he wasn't gonna take it anywhere. He grabbed my arm and threw me off...that was it...I called 911. I needed reinforcements.

Cops arrived and one had Chris in one corner where Chris was swearing a blue streak and one had me in the other...The cop who was talking to me said," Lady, if he talkes to you like he is talking to us, you are within your rights to beat the shit out of him...Just dont leave any marks"

I put my hand up it that cop's face and said," I cant talk to you any more" and it was like a giant hand from heaven came down and reached into my body and grabbed all my strength. I experienced what felt like a white hot explosion in my chest, and dived at the couch, where I lost consciousness. I came to long enought to throw up all over, then I vaguely remember someone saying to me should we call an ambulance to which I think I said "No".

Next thing I remember, is a far away voice saying, "I can't get a blood pressure here!"

This is the long and short of it.... I had a massive heart attack that night, right in front of my most loveable son, and very nearly died. Had the one cop not called 911 and gotten the ambulance when he did, I would have died, as I had a total occlusion, and was in total arrest.
When they wheeled me out, past my son, who was pretty much in shock, I looked dead they tell me. I was unconscious and I dont recall.

Never again did my Baby Boy ever abuse me or disrespect me or look at me with hatred in his eyes. God knew it would take something big, and it sure enough did. And ultimately, I am grateful. There is nothing worse for this mother than for her own flesh and blood, in whom she has invested her blood, sweat and tears, and entire adult life, to look into her eyes with the ultimate contempt and hatred...for reasons unknown!

Ok, so now I have established that my heart attack was a blessing...and I truly see it as such. However, when one has such a close encounter with the Angel of Death, Life is never the same, in any way. Physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...everything takes on a different dimension.

Little irritations mean nothing any more, and little blessings mean everything. My body is not the same, as I lack the endurance and strength I once took such pride in. I am accutely aware that I live on borrowed time, and think of death often, daily. And when I don't feel well, I always think of death. Not that I am necessarily afraid of dying, because I'm not. I'm just not ready to leave my sons and my new grandson yet.

I have had alot of health problems since that heart attack, and every single one of my doctors have blamed my smoking...some politely, some very nastily attributing every single symptom to my own doing...with not an ounce of compassion or understanding what-so-ever.

Ok, so now I have quit smoking...7 weeks ago yesterday...and yesterday, I was sick sick sick...Had arrythmia,(irregular heart beats) nausea, shortness of breath...all the shit I'm not supposed to have now that I quit smoking...and I spent all day debating whether to go to the ER or give it a chance to pass...Wondering if this is IT, or am I exaggerating and panicking...wondering if I should call my son at work or call the ambulance!!! Wondering if I'm losing my mind or my life here!!! Since I danced with death once...I cant forget...

Today I feel a little better, but still have the arrythmia thing going on...but then I havent done anything but type this blog and tell this story...I supppose if things havent improved considerably by this evening, I'm gonna have to bite the bullet and seek out the very doctors I abhor...and taunt them with the fact that I am not smoking now so now what???

Thank you for listening...say a little prayer for me, if you are a praying person, and if not, just sent a well wish my way...I am sending one to you...may God bless you richly and give you a great day!

We Gets What We Needs...

It never ceases to amaze me that God gives me what I need, when I need it, whether I want it or not! What that says to me is that My God #1 Loves me very much, #2 Knows me through and through, and #3 Has an amazing sense of humor!

What in the world is this loony-tune woman talking about, you ask?

With a sheepish grin I will tell you.

First of all, in order to understand this, you will have to have read the rest of my blog. Since I have been up here with my son, since January, I have made one real friend...I will call her Debbie. I met Debbie in a AA room...we were at that time both living with sons, both struggling to adjust, had alot in common and became friends... We have alot in common so it is easy to talk to her.

Well, she has hooked up with this guy also in the program that she's moved in with, who has serious mental illness...untreated. Serious mental illness as in behavior that oh so closely resembles Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Manic/Depressive Disorder and Paranoid Schizophrenia that it is frightening...

Now I am no doctor but...
This guy has serious issues that display in this out-of-control, over-the-top, rip-roaring, irrational, out-of-the-blue, off-the-wall, straight-jacket-to-padded-room-and bring-a-double-shot-of-thorazine-on-the-double rage that flares at the drop of a hat without warning, rhyme or reason. This is the kind of dude that goes "postal"...

Now, think about this...I just left a 6 year relationship with someone I love alot who was just like this...Whom I can no longer live with or cope with, but, whom I miss and yearn for...

And here I am, in a front row seat, watching Debbie and her scary boy-friend, seeing all the reasons why God removed me from that relationship, in 360 degree surround-sound living color...

It is impossible to live with someone who does not allow you to have your own feelings or needs. It is impossible to live with someone who is so insecure they cant bear to be out of your sight or for you to be out of theirs...ever. It is impossible to live with someone you are afraid will kill themselves or you at any given moment, such that when they go to the bathroom, you want them to leave the door open... It is impossible to live in fear such that you must walk on eggshells 24/7, and still never do it right....The list goes on and on....

So Why in the world did I stay 6 years, you ask? Well, first of all, I didnt see it in the beginning, and when you love someone and are committed and they get sick with, oh lets say cancer...do you just walk away? noooo... And I knew that above all things, Debbie did not deserve what made her the way she is. Debbie deserves to be loved and happy more than anyone I know. She is a tortured soul who doesnt deserve to be tortured...I love her. That's why I stayed...as long as I could.

I believe there are "absolutely NO accidents in God's World"...

I need to let go of the past and move forward...and Thank God for All His Blessings This Day!

Thanks for listening and God Bless!

"Borderline Chaos"

We're off the map and outta control...
Its a borderline moment and I hear thunder roll.
We're a nuclear reactor with a fuse lit to blow.
Where or when it ends up is impossible to know.
Raw feelings run rampant, rational thought goes awry.
No rhyme or reason, no answering why.
Confusion, contortion, distortion of word...
Twisted perceptions of anything heard.
Its a set up, a trap that is set to explode;
Unpredicatable rounds that go off then reload.
A war zone of nonsense predistined to hit
Where no game plan or strategy ever seems to fit.
I'm weary and wounded, bleeding, baffled and shot.
One moment things seem awesome
Then in an instant they've rot!
After each explosion, i wonder in pain...
How in the hell did we get here again?
Is it me? Am I crazy? What did I miss?
What in the world ever brought us to this?
Yep, we're off the map and sure outta control...
Its borderline chaos exacting its toll.
msp 03/04/02