Perceptions

It has always facinated me how two different people can be at the same place at the same time, see and experience the exact same things and have very different perceptions of what they saw, felt, heard etc. And where does the truth lie in all of that?

For example, I am one of five children in our family. We lived in the same house, had the same parents, lived through alot of the same exact events together, and not a single one of us sees any of it the same...

I have just spent nearly 5 months living with my youngest sister and her family, her husband works 2 1/2 hours away and commutes back and forth on weekends. They have 3 sons, 12, 10, and 6, live on a farm with 5 cows and a dog pestered by a hand full of chickens. She works full time as a teacher's aide for special needs kids and needless to say has a full plate.

Last week she had a melt down, and told me it would be good if I went to stay with our friend and her husband down the road, which I did. She and I had a conversation yesterday that totally blew me out of the water...

I did not have any clue why she asked me to go. Didn't see it coming, tore me slap up. Thank God my friend and her husband extended a warm welcome to me for the time that I need it or I would be a bag lady right now.

When I asked my sister what in the world happened to us, she informed me that she felt like I was just one more person to take care of. That I didn't do anything to help her and she just couldnt handle any more...

I guess I am still in shock. I don't know what she expected when she told me she wanted me to come up here, that she needed me, but I thought I did alot to help her. I surely tried, anyway.

We are very different people. I am 12 years her senior, raised 3 boys alone and very nearly didnt survive it. I have alot of health problems, struggle along the best I can. I sure as heck cant keep up with her though. But I tried, truly I did. I never asked her to do anything for me...I dont know where she is coming from. She and I see very different things...

I guess expectations and no communication are part of it...and it is extremely difficult to live with family let alone having 2 hens in the hen house...

I am just baffled. O w-hell....this is what I have learned...for the first time in my entire life, and I am over a half a century old, I want to live alone, in my own place. This is a first. I have never lived alone, never ever wanted to, been scared to. Not now....I need to...I am tired of tiptoeing on egg shells, trying to please people who can't be pleased. I need my own space where I can make my own rules, do what I want when I want if I want.

Maybe that was the whole point of this past few months, for me to reach the point that I am willing to live alone. I know there has to be a lesson in here somewhere because I believe everything happens in this world for a reason. And maybe it is time for me to find out that I can be ok and content by myself with God...then I don't have to end up being with someone because I need them. I can be with someone because I want to and I don't have to settle for whoever comes along because I'm desperate and needy and can't stand to be alone. What a concept...

At any rate, I am grateful. Once again, God has provided for me, and I have what I need today. God is good. I wouldnt change plaaces with my sister for all the money in this world, and today, I am glad to be me and not her.

Thanks for listening and God bless! A truly twisted sister