I Wish I Knew

Oh, I wish I knew
Just what I should do
And knew without question, it right.
Instead I just stew
About what I should do
Debating long into the night.
I pray and I pray
All long night and day
For serenity, courage, insight.
If God would just speak
No complaint would I eek,
Gladly I'd trudge without fight.
Make no mistake
in my boots i now quake
for darkness has swallowed the light.
Yes, I sure wish i knew
Which direction was true
So I'd take to the wing in sure flight.
msp 07/28/05

WARNING: TIDE OF TEARS RISING!

News Flash: I am not, I repeat, NOT going to Italy with my son. Reason: with my health problems, the closest hospital to where we would be is 6 hours away, in Germany. The word came down today, and it just hit me that he will be leaving Oct. 10 for three years.

I am so very grateful that he is not being sent to Iraq or Afganistan...In light of that, I guess I am being selfish to be so sad and scared.

I don't have a living clue what I am going to do...stay here, go stay with one of my sisters...

Feeling really lost, sad, and broken right now...sorry, I usually try to keep it positive, but I'm having some trouble wrapping my little fingers around anything right now, let alone something positive.

I need to find an oasis in this damned desert I am wandering in...maybe it wouldnt be so bad if I werent so alone here...

Oh, I know I'm never really alone...God is here with me always...but man o man, there just isnt anything like a pair of open arms to fall into with a shoulder attached to snuggle into.

Well, I have whined enough...thanx for listening and if you think of it, say a little prayer for me...
a truly"Lost-in-the-desert" twisted sister

TGIF again!

It just blows my little mind how quickly time goes by....Man o man, I remember especially when all three of my dear sons were teenagers...I didn't think time would ever pass!

I have always heard that life begins at 40...o ha ha...at the age of 40 I had a 17 year old, a 16 year old, and a 13 year old (all boys). My life did NOT begin at 40!!!

Well here is the news of the day...and mind you, I don't believe anything until it happens anymore...the Army has taught me that. One of my soldier sons is being transferred to Europe and is going through the process of jumping through hoops to arrange to take me with him. After all, I am his dependent.

The more I think if it the more excited I get while trying not to get my heart too set on it. But it would be an awesome opportunity for me. He took me to apply for my passport today, and I have to go through some medical evaluation to make sure they have the proper medical treatments available should I need it. I have put it in God's hands. I figure if it is His Will everything will fall into place and if not, He will close the doors....Keep your fingers crossed for me...

Well, Happy TGIF to ya'll...Take good care and stay safe.
Lots of Love,
the one and only twisted sister I know

HOPE...The broth in the Soup of Life

Main Entry: 1hope
Pronunciation: 'hOp
Function: verbInflected Form(s): hoped; hop·ing
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English hopian; akin to Middle High German hoffen to hopeintransitive senses
1 : to cherish a desire with anticipation
2 archaic : TRUSTtransitive senses1 : to desire with expectation of obtainment
2 : to expect with confidence
TRUSTsynonym see EXPECT
noun- hope against hope : to hope without any basis for expecting fulfillment

Life without hope is like
Soup without broth...not the most appetizing idea in town. Soup without broth could be seen as deceptive, given that by definition broth is pretty essentially what makes soup soup... soup without broth renders a lifeless pot of crunchy stuff without that which brings it to life, and gives it substance and flavor.

Thus is life without hope.

Some days hope is as elusive as a butterfly, and I yearn for it just as I would yearn for a hearty, hot, steamy bowl of home-made chicken noodle soup on a frosty winter's day. And then some days I awaken full of hope...hope for the day and hope for my life and hope for the future.

Makes this life thing feel like riding a carousel...up and down and round and round....

May the God of Faith, Hope, and Love fill us all with an extra measure of Hope this day...
Rots of Ruv,
one very twisted sister

Truth or Dare...

Remember being a teenager and sitting around with your friends playin Truth or Dare? That used to be a Slumber Party favorite, back in my day...( my kids would say "in the day of the dinosaure"...) ((no respect!))

Well, I challenge you readers to a good, old fashioned game of Truth or Dare. Hey, it could be fun...

Ok, here we go...

Truth or Dare?

Truth, you say? Ok...when was the last time you embarrassed yourself by putting your foot in your mouth and eating toe jam for lunch and what was it you said and to whom?

I guess my answer would have to be a couple of weeks ago, after church service, during fellowship. I was chatting with my pastor, Pastor Dave and a small group of folks, when he asked me a question. I don't know where my head was at, but I answered him with a firm, resounding "Yes, Maam!" Everybody just cracked up but me, and I didn't have a clue what the deal was, let alone that the "yoke" was on me....

Put on your thinking caps and fess up...

Ok, lets try one more....Truth or Dare?

Dare, you say? Hmmmmm...

I dare you to do something nice... a random act of kindness, for someone who you don't care for or who is irritating you today, and don't tell them about it. Let's make the world a better place!

Are you up to the challenge?

Lots of Love, Yours....a truly twisted sister

Happy TGIF, Bloggersville!

Where in the heck does the time go? I KNOW it cant be flyin like it is cause I'm having so much fun!!! Yup, its Friday again. Kinda feels like the petal is jammed and stuck to the metal on my Tercel of Life!

O whell...(no type-o) May you have a safe and fun weekend! Remember to pray for our troops and I shall remember to pray for you!

Lots of Love,
The "one and only" truly twisted sister I know.

Has this world gone nuts, or what?

I woke up to the news that London had been bombed this morning by terrorists , and my initial response was a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. Innocent blood senselessly spilled by hearts and minds warped with hate. It was the same sick feeling I got the morning of 09/11, as the news of the Twin Tower Bombings blared through the radio at work...

Dear God, Please have mercy on this sick and suffering world. Make haste, Oh Lord, and come soon, before we destroy ourselves. Guide our leaders with Your wisdom and strength. Protect our troops who risk all to preserve the values that we cherish, who fight to bring Freedom to the oppressed, and Justice to the oppressors. May Your Peace reign in the hearts of men everywhere. In Jesus' Precious Name, I pray.
P.S. Comfort and heal the injured and survivors as only You can do. Amen.

Happy Independence Day!

Today we celebrate our indepenence as a nation, and our freedom in the usual American tradition of cook-outs and fire works, waving our flags, toasting and tipping...and I couldn't help but stop and ponder a bit about the men and women who brought it all about, and those brave young men and women who sacrifice so much to keep it.

Truly, I am in awe. We, as a people, owe a debt we can never pay to them.

Freedom is something I am ashamed to say I have taken for granted, most of my life. That began to change for me during the Kuate conflict, as CNN brought the reality of war into our living room. I think my kids thought I had gone over the edge because every single day that I came home from work I would be glued to the TV screen in true horror. I couldn't imagine being over there as an ordinary citizen, with bombs falling out of the sky and death' stench in the air. I have never had to be in fear for my life or dodge bullets as I saw ordinary citizens doing over there.

Had no earthly idea that in a few years, my world, as I knew it, would be turned upside down when two of my three sons enlisted in the United States military within six weeks of each other. Today, I am the proud mom of two active soldiers, and I try very hard, in their honor, and in honor of all of our brave men and women who defend our freedom and human rights, to be gratefully aware of the gifts we have. We are truly a rich country, not only in material ways, but in how blessed we are to be able to do and say as we choose.

I never really ever stopped to think about the many sacrifices that have been made, lives that have been lost and blood that has been spilled in pursuit of our Freedom. I am reminded of the words Jesus spoke..."Greater love hath no man than he who giveth his life for another".

Oh, how I wish that each one of us, on this day, could take just a moment to say a quick prayer for all of our soldiers and their families, both those who serve today and those who have gone before them and made the ultimate sacrifice...They are my Heroes.

Have a happy and safe Fourth of July!
a twisted sister

Where do I go from here?

Life is full of little quirks...and God, as I understand Him today, has a sense of humor, allbeit one I dont always find amusing.

I received an email from the sister of my ex-husband, the father of my sons, today. Here is where God's sense of humor is a bit dicey, to say the least.

These are people who never lifted a finger to help with my sons nor their needs. They wouldnt even tell me where the dead-beat was so I could get child support.

These are people who built themselves up at my expense by constantly bragging and rubbing my nose in their good fortune and wealth, as I struggled to feed and provide for my boys. And freely criticized my house whenever they popped in, I might add.

This all took place between 1975 through 1982. A very long time ago, but I assure you, it still aches like an absessed tooth.

Now that my sons are raised and are adults, and the work is all done, they simply must pursue relationships with the nephews they love so very much and have missed more than words can express.

Oh, and did I mention that they told my oldest son how very dear I am to them and that they have always loved me? Whatever....

I have spent the past twenty years or so trying to muster up forgiveness for these people. And this is what I have discovered about me....not anything I am too proud of...but my forgiveness in this situation is conditional...as long as they stay the hell out of my face and my life (including my sons' lives) I forgive em just fine...

Part of the anger I feel is directed at me. Now, mind you, I wouldnt trade my sons in for anything, but I deeply regret making such a pitiful choice to father my children. Oh, and by the way, he walked out when my youngest son was just over a year old, just released from the hospital with a problem the doctors couldn't diagnose, with not a penny, no formula, no diapers, or food, and an empty gas tank. And he never looked back. Left the state and turned his back on us all.

I also feel deeply angry at myself for being unable to take care of myself with these horrible people. I just swallowed it all and tried harder and harder to kiss ass and win their approval, which , of course never came, until now... haha...who wants it now???

Son #1 says I should just be honest with her...my ex-sister-in-law. My response is what in the hell is that gonna accomplish? They are who they are, and nothing I can say or do is gonna change that. And I can guarantee there is no apology forthcoming...folks without consciounces dont feel regret and the words "I'm sorry" arent in their vocabularies. So what is the point?

I told my sons, all three, that they are adults now and able to make their own decisions. I will support them in whatever they decide. For now, thats as good as it gets. And my prayer today is not for them, but for me, and my sons...that I may forgive unconditionally and not feel any sense of disloyalty or betrayal as my sons incorporate their father's family and quite possibly their father into their lives, and that my sons be protected from further hurt, at the hands of these people.Total rejection and abandonment was enough, in my book.

Well, thats my story for today, and I am sticking to it...Thanks for listening
Lots of Luvs, This truly twisted sister