The Light Bulb Effect

Every once in a while, something I have heard a million times and either not understood, or not payed attention to, all of a sudden jumps out and smacks me in the head...illuminates like a lightbulb in the darkest of night...I call this "The Light Bulb Effect".

Or, I sometimes call it "The Cosmic 2x4", an implement reserved for only the hardest of head. Mode of delivery determines which phenomenon I am experiencing.

Well, I think, this week, or actually this morning, I have had one of those enlightening moments of clarity. Not a cosmic 2x4, exactly...they tend to end up in a headache...More like a blinding flash of light in the dark muddle of my mind.

Back in the beginning of this blog, I posted a poem that I had written about "My Mind is Not My Friend". Now, this is not news to me...Someone told me this years ago, "twisted sister, your mind is not your friend!" and I immediately recognized the truth in it...

The fact of the matter is, I have a "steering committee", living in my head, that NEVER tells me anything good, never tells me the truth, never shuts up, and seeks to make me miserable... oh yeah!

If I choose to listen to them, any of them, I ALWAYS end up in trouble!

Now, this is the deal...When I am alone, in my own company, those wretched little critters are blaringly loud and deafeningly clear...Being alone with myself is like being stranded in a bad neighborhood at night...no surprises here.

I have realized in the past day or two, though, that I tend to isolate when I am depressed...Well, the honest-to-God truth is, no tending going on here...I down right do isolate when I am depressed...at any given point you are liable to find me under the bed...

Now, sometimes I dont have any options because I don't have wheels at this time, and my son's car is not often available...

Then, again, there are times that I definately do have the option, and choose not to ask to use the car or seek a ride...mostly because I am depressed and just wanna hide under the bed. Can't be inflicting my depression and bad mood upon anyone else, now...ah ha!

What I got going on here is the perfect "Catch 22" ->depression leads to isolation which only leads to deeper depression... Yikes! Am I my worst enemy or what?

Oh Yeah...Rocket Scientist thinking happenin, here...

Hmmm...I need to make some changes here, and real soon!

Stay tuned...!
a truly twisted sister