When the student is ready, the teacher appears...

I would like to tell you about my friend, Denise. I don't know if you remember, but she was my 51 year old friend who was diagnosed with advanced colo-rectal cancer two weeks before Christmas. It is hard to find the words to say what's in my heart, and I'm not certain words can do it justice. But I find it necessary to try, in her honor.

I came to this place on January 17 of last year, 2004, and for the first 3 months here I isolated in this house, spending most of my waking time alone while my son worked. I knew no one but my son and did alot of crying and praying during that time. Then one day, I asked my son to take me to an A.A. meeting. I had attended Alcoholics Anonymous and stayed clean and sober for a period of ten years in Florida, and though, since I had my heart attack in 1996 and now take all this medication, I can no longer drink, I knew that I would if I could, and felt like I needed some serious help with my living problems. I was drawn to the one place on earth I ever felt like I belonged.

I met Denise at my very first meeting here, through her little daughter-in-law, who just came up to me and started chatting away. She said,"You just have to meet my mother-in-law! You have so much in common!" She fairly dragged me across the room and introduced me to Denise.

Now, at that time, Denise was living with her son, who was in the Army, and his wife and two grandsons. So she and I were pretty much in the same boat there.
Her brother had introduced her to heroin at the tender age of twelve, and she had spent nearly her entire life as either a heroin or methadone addict who seriously tried to drowned herself in a bottle. At the time I met her, she had just over 3 months of sobriety, the first time since she was twelve years old, that she had been clean and sober.

The odds were against Denise and recovery. Statistics plainly show that very few hard core heroin or crack addicts ever get clean, much less stay clean. So, I recognized, right up front that she was a miracle.

Over the past nine months, we have become fast friends. Its funny because in many ways we are alike, but in many ways we are very different, and she has been a tremendous teacher to me, especially of late, as she deals with her illness, treatments and life "one day at a time".

The day that the doctor did her scope and told her he was 99% sure she had colo-rectal cancer, we went to lunch together. Since our friendship is based on complete honesty, she looked me in the eye and asked, "How bad is it, really?"

I'm no doctor, for sure, but I spent fifteen years working as a nurse's assistant on a surgical unit, and in truth, I have seen just enough to make me dangerous... and I couldn't lie to her. All I could say was, "Sweetie, it's not good." I felt pretty sure that the future looked grim, either way it went. My mother battled cancer for seven years, taking chemo off and on for six of those years, and it wasn't pretty.

Denise looked me square in the eye and said, (I shall never forget this) "Believe this or not, I am not afraid. Oh, I have dread, alright, but I have no fear. I know that however it may go, I am going to be ok. I am not mad at God, and I know God will take care of me. And I AM going to pick up my one year chip (meaning that she was NOT going to drink or drug over this)".

She had spent alot of time applying for financial aid and doing the necessary footwork to enroll in college prior to her diagnosis, and was slated to start college on January 18. After being informed by her oncologist and radiologist that she would be taking radiation treatments five days a week for 4 months in conjunction with chemotherapy for five days every three weeks for the same length of time, she was unsure what to do about the school issue.

But I am here to tell you that she started school and is going strong.

What a living, breathing example of true Faith and Courage this woman is...I am just in awe. I don't know that I could do what she is doing...but I do know this, She is Faith and Courage in action, and I am truly blessed to know her. I pray that I can be a worthy pupil.

Thanks for listening!
a truly twisted sister

Faith

Faith is Hope in things unseen...
That Spring will bring her tender green,
That Dawn awaits the darkest night,
That all things wrong will be set right.

Faith is Knowledge that God is real.
Belief transcending what I feel...
Trust that regardless how things go
God's Will's as work His Love to show.

Faith is Peace amid the storm
In spite of circumstancial form...
Though wind and wave may rock the course,
That God's Protection stills the force.

Yes, Faith is Hope in things unseen...
Trust in the face of how things seem,
With Strength to look beyond the eye
Steadfast Faith will fear defy.
msp
01/06/05
Dedicated to my dear friend and sister, Denise, who has taught me what true Faith is.